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  1. #1
    IyeNano's Avatar
    IyeNano is offline Regular Gamer
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    Default The 57th Parallel Reviews: Dota 2

    If I were to tell you that I have never liked a MOBA in my life, DotA fans would probably slap me in the face and then try to tear off my limbs one by one. Now before that actually happens, I do have to announce that I actually enjoyed Dota 2. What does bother me, because if nothing did then I wouldn’t be a critic, is the name. I know the original DotA stood for “Defense of the Ancients,” but why is it that they didn’t capitalize the A in Dota 2? Seriously, check Wikipedia. If there was ever anymore inconsistencies from that, Valve might forget they were SUPPOSED to be making Half-Life: Episode 3 but will now dedicate an entire patch fix to change the name because assholes, like me, know the details is what matters most about a game’s quality.

    Dota 2 is a multiplayer MOBA, which is a fancy way of saying RTS without the RTS part, where you control a character that protects peons, kills enemy peons or gets raped because they encountered another player. It doesn’t say a whole lot if I manage to get killed before I even started to enjoy the game. Games like this are community driven and tend to have random people sticking against other random people. Now that would be fun though I was always being yelled at because I got killed for the hundredth time. I tend to not be very friendly towards the community because if something is community driven by idiots and elitists then it’s not a very solid house now is it?

    See the retailers do understand that the place was going to be smashed up so they managed to give out classes for each elitist to mess with. It wasn’t until my 12th game that I found out that there are strategies that no one has told me about. I guess you can’t just pick a character randomly and hope you find one you like. It’s hard to not do that because there are too many characters to choose from so you could throw a dart at monitor and just stick with who it lands on….and get a new monitor because you were stupid enough to try this.

    Don’t get me wrong. I do love the gameplay. Simple controls, hard objective, different lanes to make it challenging which makes me want to dry hump Valve for hiring IceFrog in the first place. If you don’t quite know, it’s just a simple protect the peons as they make their way to the other side and attempt to destroy the enemy base. It emphasizes teamwork but when everyone else rage quits after their first death, teamwork is a hard concept.

    If you do manage to play this game, here’s three things you should do: 1. do research on characters and their abilities before you throw a dart at your monitor, 2. Play with friends so you at least have a team that won’t scream at you because of their own insecurities, 3. avoid the bots. They are evil. Don’t trust them. This game has led me to believe that no one ever take serious games seriously anymore and scream with angst at games that are trying to be funny. It almost makes me hate the gaming community more after this sudden revelation that I could make a game where it portrays a woman fingering herself excessively and it will be called modern art by a complete idiot while making me a hot shot in the porn industry.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: The 57th Parallel Reviews: Dota 2

    I loved the article.
    I'm glad you've enjoyed it !

  3. #3
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    Default Re: The 57th Parallel Reviews: Dota 2

    Good points, Nano. I also hate communities in games like these since it is filled with assholes. I love the actual MOBA tho.

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