Thread: The 57th Parallel: Minecraft

Yea I made one about Minecraft. Whatcha gonna do?



Well when the wind got bored of the eastern side of here and saw that my side of the state that I live in is still intact, the wind creates a tornado that tears through both game retail stores in the town nearby. My first thought was, “Ohh cock. That means there aren’t any games I can buy any time soon because we are in tornado alley and some pile of slime on a desk decided it would be best to put all game retail stores within ten square yards of each other.” My second thought was, “Ohh balls. That also means that the closest GameStop to me is an hour drive away. I would probably have to use Steam unless preordering.” My third thought was, “Ohh goodie! That means I can go back inside and play Minecraft!”

See I got into Minecraft, like most people, by hearing about it from friends and got it to see what all of the fuss was about. I look around to see that everything looked like it was made from an etch-a-sketch. I hit some flowers and I found that I can pick up the flowers. I found that I can pick up dirt too. Take that dirt! I think I will leave the dirt in a pile and put the flower on top like Zorro but with tits. That was my first reaction to the first thing I picked up and so I got bored and roamed the countryside to see the sights. Why has is gotten dark all of a sudden? What’s that slight hissing noise? Why are my intestines over there now? This game has no shame into making you read the FAQ.

It would start with, “See that tree over there. Hit it with the flat of your hand. Now make a crafting table. Now make a wooden pickaxe and mine some stone then make a better pickaxe now mine some coal. If lady luck smiles upon you, there will be some coal on the wall somewhere. I have no idea how you were supposed to figure this out.” Well it’s a good thing I know what I am doing now or this game wouldn’t even be considered a game. I still don’t consider it a game. Sure there are skeletons and you have to wave your sword at them until they can’t move but that’s not what you are there for. Much like you don’t go to a beach to have sand kicked in your face or Amsterdam to have your eyes gouged out with a broken bottle. You go there to build a sand castle and purchase marijuana.

Before I hit bedrock, I found various types of ores. I found mostly gold so I decided to make myself some gold tools and an armor set. Those evil green bush monsters will think twice about blowing up in my face! And that’s when I found out that Minecraft takes the realistic approach to gold and that it is as useful as aluminum when it comes to durability. Now I am left with slightly tasteless clothes, fifteen chests worth of stone and a huge hole that is no longer safe because I got angry and took off the torches. It was then that I saw a giant mountain and said, “I know what that needs. A fortress to protect me from the bush monsters.”

If you want to have fun, here are two tips to Minecraft. Never start a fire in a forest unless you want the place to look like the Vietnam War and think of a project whether it is a house or an eighty foot golden cock and balls. Minecraft is a responsible parent. It knows that you will get swiftly bored of your golden cock and balls if it gives you one so it gives you ten dollars to wash its car to save up and make so when you are done you will love it all the more. Until the bush monsters get it and then you will learn that life just craps on you. Much like your boss when he finds how what you have been doing all day!

I really enjoy reading your reviews. Can not stop laughing at them. Some times humor is the way to go with these. You are doing an awesome job, keep up the good work.

I did like Minecraft. I found out about it from my brother in law and nephew. Once when I was at my sisters house, he was playing and then it pretty much hooked me. I am sure that if there was not a fuss over it or they had never played it while I was there, I most likely would still not know what it was. I will say it is not a favorite game, but the concept of it is neat. It is one that I can play for quite a while and not get bored of too quickly like some of the other games on the market.

I would be interested to know how you rate Minecraft out of 1 to 10. I would say I may give it a high seven to low 8. Good game in all I think.

Originally Posted by angie828

I really enjoy reading your reviews. Can not stop laughing at them. Some times humor is the way to go with these. You are doing an awesome job, keep up the good work.

I did like Minecraft. I found out about it from my brother in law and nephew. Once when I was at my sisters house, he was playing and then it pretty much hooked me. I am sure that if there was not a fuss over it or they had never played it while I was there, I most likely would still not know what it was. I will say it is not a favorite game, but the concept of it is neat. It is one that I can play for quite a while and not get bored of too quickly like some of the other games on the market.

I would be interested to know how you rate Minecraft out of 1 to 10. I would say I may give it a high seven to low 8. Good game in all I think.

I'm glad you enjoy them! I wish they had more popularity though. Thousands of fans waiting for the next review and weird fan art is always fun to have.

Well I just kind of found it. What got me interested was the Yogscast and how much fun they seem to have been having. I wish I had a server though. I am trying to convince Jordan into getting GamersBin one.

6.5, It's definitely a game I don't mind playing but a game I can't just play for hours on end unless I am really bored or I have someone to play with.

Give it time. They will become more popular. I bet if people knew you were honest and added some humor to your reviews they would read them. You just have to let others know to read them. I will tell anyone I can to read your reviews as they are quite entertaining.

I know what you mean about playing it for hours. There is no way I could do that either if I were by myself. I think maybe the most I have played it was about 3 hours or so.

Originally Posted by angie828

Give it time. They will become more popular. I bet if people knew you were honest and added some humor to your reviews they would read them. You just have to let others know to read them. I will tell anyone I can to read your reviews as they are quite entertaining.

I know what you mean about playing it for hours. There is no way I could do that either if I were by myself. I think maybe the most I have played it was about 3 hours or so.

I would quite enjoy you telling others. It would make me happy!

Well see I have played it for a while but the problem is that I seem to not enjoy it a lot even in servers. All I ask for is a private, small vanilla server with people you can trust. If you have a giant server with an insane amount of people, there will be griefing like crazy and mods that are ban happy because they can't trust anyone. See long ago I was apart of a server and 2 people tried to attack me (I had a diamond sword and full armor set and they uhh didn't so it is obvious on who won). I didn't provoke them or even talk to them but when I killed them, they complained that I killed them for no reason and got banned.

I think that's a problem I have. I am cursed to be banned from everything.

I've never been into Minecraft. I can't get past the shotty graphics.

Originally Posted by Famous

I've never been into Minecraft. I can't get past the shotty graphics.

The graphics weren't what caused me to not like it as much as someone else. It was the lack of a tutorial to play a game that needs a tutorial.