Thread: The 57th Parallel: Duke Nukem Forever

I have seen mixed reviews over Duke Nukem Forever on the website so I think it would be only fair to bring my own style down on the table.



Before I joined this website and was banned from the last one by pulling a good one right at the fanboy, ten year-old admin saying that I didn’t enjoy the Call of Duty series, I made a joke review about Duke Nukem Forever. My fan base of seven people there yelled at me when the actual game came out and laughed at me, “Ha ha take that Nano! I bet your head is just filled with the eggs of wrongness to where one of us could slap you in the face with a frying pan and make an IHOP special.” In which I reply with a real review this time. I think, because it took fourteen years to make it, not that the game isn’t going to be made but that the game SHOULDN’T be made. Take that Asperger’s children!

If you were not born during the time of Duke Nukem 3D, like me, here is some of a recap. Aliens have attacked Earth and a blonde haired man who has a mental defect and speaks in only pop culture references is in charge because he has a second pair of balls for a brain and that which has four balls is the hero. Duke defeated the aliens, forcing them to retreat and when they got their balls fixed, it was round two.

At first, for how things were being revealed, I thought that they were going to make Duke show some kind of maturity revealing the error of his ways…but then I saw him slap a pair of tits on the wall and that reality broke. What’s bad is that the jokes aren’t even funny here. In the old Duke Nukem games, there was more of a parody style to it and now it’s just reference. It’s just Duke pointing at a Master Chief helmet and saying, “Get the reference and laugh you easily pleased fool.” Some sheep will laugh now but when archaeologists dig up this game, they will think that our race consisted of mole people who only got fat and communicated with vague pop culture of the twenty-first century.

What’s sad is that I can see the different types of games they had the game try and catch up with. First there is the colorful kind of shooter then the Quake 4 style gray shooter halfway through the game then they hug the today’s shooters with a brown area. See I try to do my reviews unbiased. I said “try!” Not successfully at times. I admit! I noticed this because there are games that I would throw in front of a bus that had less problems than this. I mean I went back and played Duke Nukem 3D before seeing some good parodies seen in front of me and I actually tried to like Duke Nukem Forever. Doing so though was a challenge because of the pain and agony I felt every time Duke did something stupid in attempts to make a joke.

I think that, even though there is a long history behind it, Duke Nukem Forever felt kind of rushed as though the developers wanted to get it out of the way so they could do more important things. The controls are clunky; the graphics are terrible even for a lesser standard and the jokes are just terrible. There’s nothing funny about this game and to think otherwise means that you have no actual sense of humor and just laugh at anything other people may laugh to. I hope this is the last Duke Nukem but we are left with the scenario of a singer who is trying to commit suicide with a microphone cord and you can either cut the cord and let him down or swing on his legs to speed up the process.

First:

Before I joined this website and was banned from the last one by pulling a good one right at the fanboy, ten year-old admin saying that I didn’t enjoy the Call of Duty series, I made a joke review about Duke Nukem Forever.

I'd love to see the thread! I hate fanboys and some CoD fanboys are horrid.


I was born during the original release and I remember playing it on my old 486 PC (or was it a P90, I can't remember). God it was fun but I was so young that game stories didn't matter to me, I just wanted to shoot and kill. This was during the times of Doom and Heretic.

As an adult now, one look at that game repulses me. Not because it is an FPS or gory or anything but just because it looks so damn lame. If you think it felt rushed and it took them 14 years to release (or at least 14 years since the last one), that just confirms it. Look at Starcraft 2, it had a 10 year streak but turned out amazing!

I have seen the reviews as well. I have yet to play it and was loooking forward to playing it. My husband is a big fan of the old Duke Nukem. Granted I have not played that in years but I thought about giving this one a go.

It is too bad that the developers rushed through it to make it. Why not take your time and make it something that will really stand out? Give it the proper attention it deserves. Or do not even bother at all.

Myself, I do not care for poor graphics. I have heard others say they were poor, but after reading this review my opinion has sort of swayed. Maybe I really do not want to play Duke Nukem Forever.

I can't get past the Duke Nukem character. He is one dumb dude.

Originally Posted by Euroatic

I can't get past the Duke Nukem character. He is one dumb dude.

He does look pretty dumb if you ask me.